Stay Skinny or The Men In This Area Won't Date You

I was having a chat with Kristin today when the gas man interrupted. I had to jump out of bed, throw on some smelly work jeans and a t-shirt, and let him in. He was a strange one. If you knew Mike (of Portland) those two had a similar personality but I swear this guy was not on my team. So I let him in and he went to the stove first. He had really thick, serial killer glasses, was about a foot shorter than me, and kept putting his foot up in the air then setting it down only on the toe part, like a ballerina almost or a Clydesdale horse counting out numbers.

Gas Man: Have you used your stove yet?

Me: Not yet.

Gas Man: You don’t eat.

Me: I eat. I eat.

Gas Man: You’re skinny. You’re skinny. You need to stay that way so the men will date you.

Me: Well, I do eat.

Gas Man: Yes, but the men in this area, they don’t date the fat ones. Stay skinny. If you're not skinny, they won't date you. Don't be a fatty.

That apparently was a mantra for the rest of his time in my apartment looking at all the gas fixtures. Stay skinny, he kept repeating! And honestly, I had no reply to that one. Is this a sign? Is my nutella craving out of hand? I hope not. STAY SKINNY or the men in this area won’t date me!!!

Moral of the Story: Gas men know the area. They know what men want. Other team men at least.