Fortunately, I've taken to reviewing my texts and writing them down. Most will NOT make any sense at all...just know that at the moment they were said it was the best thing anyone had ever heard up until that time. They are all my favorites but I bolded the best memories for me.
December 2009 Left Overs:
Jen to Lydia: “The cumfactor is rasied tonight!” L: “What is the cum factor?” J: “I don’t know but it sounded good at the time!” L: “Yes! The cumfactor is raised!”
Lydia to Chaz: “I’ll go kicking and screaming…with my legs wrapped around you!”
Guy to Jen: “You’re one of the most natural looking woman in here! I just wanted to thank you.”
Overheard guys: “Where is your penis and where is my mouth?”
January:
Jen to Lydia about Olympia: “Nut up, dude, nut up.”
Lydia to Jen: “I’ll put out but I’m not putting up.”
Lydia texting to Jen at 3am: “I have an ode for you.” “Do share! And you are in so much trouble!” “Ode to Being Awakened By a Text Message Sound:…I would write that ode but I’m super tired!!!”
Jen texting to Lydia at 4:23 am: “Every girl does the dudes don’t.”
Jen to Lydia on the simplification of the form of male dance. “Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.”
Lydia to Jen: “I am diagnosing myself with M.A.D. Male Aggravation disorder.”
February:
Lydia to Jen: “Why are we sorry?” J: “Because we scared them off with our beauty.”
Jen to Lydia: “I’m not a pimp; I’m a playa.”
Lydia to Jen: “We should name a drink at our bar James Dean’s Cousin.”
Lydia to Jen: “Why do we always have to choose?” “Because we are the fun people.”
March:
Jen to Lydia: “Do you remember that weekend when I was up in Seattle fucking Seattle?”
Lydia to Jen: “There’s no upstairs so where did you make out?”
Jen to Lydia: “I’m at Joann’s getting stuff for my ass-less chaps with my mom!”
Jen to Joe John: “Where’s your mustache comb?” “It’s in his pants.”
April:
Jen to Lydia: “Maybe I’ll parade you up and down the street and yell ‘Feel her! Feel her!’” L: “Then I’ll get mammograms all night.” J: “I know where you can get them for free. (3 blocks)”
Jen to Canadians: “We were friendly at first. Then we started getting HOS-tile!”
Jen to Lydia and Stephanie: “This is the worst crappiest blow-shit I’ve ever seen!”
May:
Guy to Lydia and Jen: “I got the impression that you girls think I’m a good looking guy.” Lydia: “Who told you that?” Guy: “My mind. My mind.”
Jen to Lydia about Joe John: “So meaty.”
Jen to Lydia: “How about settling for Jen thighs?”
June:
Jen to Lydia: “It wasn’t the tree; it was the trunk.”
July:
Lydia to Jen: “Want a chalupa?”
Lydia to Jen: “I’m not fat; I’m fluffy.”
Lydia to Jen: “It was a caucasian penis on a black man! Peeing!”
Jen to horny Chinese guy: “Okay. Go Away.”
October:
Odin about Lydia: “You are epic!”
November:
Derrick to Lydia: “I couldn’t agree with you more than 100%.”
Derrick to Lydia: “It’s your promise land.”
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