Trapped in the Ladies Room

Odin, Nick and I and their two lady friends went to the Red Canary to celebrate Nick’s birthday. I was severely UNDERDRESSED in jeans, a tshirt and snow boots. I hated that. I am never underdressed. The two ladies looked great in their cocktail dresses, as did every other woman in that club…except me. I looked like an idiot.

Earlier that night I had played Stop Sign Drinking while walking to meet Odin and Nick at the Hofbrau (incidentally my bartender crush was not working that night). “Stop Sign Drinking?” you ask, “What is that?” Just a little game I made up. All one needs is a neighborhood to walk in, a flask filled with alcohol (mine is Basil Hayden), and yourself, or friends. Every time you come to a stop sign, you open your flask and take shot. I thought this was a great game…as I knew I would have 4-5 stop signs on the way to Hofbrau.

Anyway, we drank at Hofbrau then Odin took us to the Red Canary (where I was underdressed). He ordered some champagne and soon enough I had to break the seal. There were only two women’s and the one without the sign that said “out of order” was being used.  I always know that’s not usually true - the sign that says out of order, so I went into that stall, peed, washed my hands and everything worked!

So the next time I went, I went in, peed, and then grabbed the handle to get out. This time there was no handle to the inside of the door. But, there was a lock on the door so I grabbed the knob and tried to pull the door open and that didn’t work either! I stuck my finger in the handleless hole and tried to pull it open that way. Nothing worked! At this point I’m tanked. So I just leaned against the wall and started laughing so hard I had to pee again. Good thing I’m stuck in a bathroom!

So there I was…stuck in the ladies bathroom! The club music was so loud too no one would be able to hear me yell for help! So I must have stood there for about 10 minutes thinking, I don’t even have a phone to call someone! And I just laughed some more. It was a helpless sort of laughter that just kind of tells you that you fucked yourself and have no one to blame for going into the bathroom that told you it was out of order.

I started pounding on the door. Eventually it was opened by this petite, blonde girl that gave me a look. But not a look that said it’s strange you are pounding on the inside of the bathroom door. Just an annoyed one for some reason. She pushed past me into the handle-less bathroom and shut the door. As I stared at the closed door I thought, “Should I wait to let her out?” I decided against it, wrong I know, laughed and went back to the dance floor where Odin had popped some more champagne. I hope she had a cell phone.

Moral of the Story: If you are going to use an out-of-order bathroom, make sure you read everything that’s written on that note. And make sure the inside has a handle.